Review by Frank

 

Blood Beach had one of the more intriguing VHS covers in Blockbuster's horror section in the 80's. There's a thick sense of nostalgia associated the marketing of the film, while the film itself is rarely ever referenced in horror and schlock circles, and even more rarely seen on video store shelves. Ever since my youthful days as a budding horror fan, I've imagined what fun and special effects were waiting for me on the reels of the Blood Beach VHS. Several days ago, I got my hands on a copy and years of anticipation finally came to an end.

 

Here's the part where I bore you with the plot. People are disappearing on the a Southern California beach, and it's up to Captain Pearson of the local police to ensure that the reign of terror ends. Beach patrolman Harry Cauldman is distraught when his girlfriend joins the ranks of the missing, but finds comfort in an old flame who has reemerged in his life (not even the death of a girlfriend will get in the way of this guy getting laid.) Even with the help of a hokey scientist who believes a newly-evolved, man-eating animal is living beneath the sand, the police are at a loss. Eventually Harry decides to investigate an abandon beach structure that he and his old flame played in as children. He doesn't find much, but he gets a weird feeling (of course) and goes to the police. Harry and an investigator return to the basement, but not before Harry's old flame/new flame has the same idea. She uncovers a bevy of corpses, which leads the police to rig the structure with infrared cameras and explosives. Within hours, a worm-like creature appears in the basement, and the police detonate the explosives. Unfortunately they wouldn't listen when the scientist told them that the creature may be capable of regeneration,  and that his exploded pieces may become a fleet of creatures. The final scene confirms his worries as the camera tracks a series of movements in the sand of the now-crowded beach.

 

 

Thin plots are common for horror movies, but Blood Beach is thin and still manages to be pointlessly convoluted. They might as well have made the script up as they went along. Horror fans are not a particular bunch when it comes to story, but simple is always better. Here we have too many pointless characters and not enough linear story.

 

Luckily, there is a tie that binds it all together, and it's John Saxon. He turns in a performance that far exceeds the mediocrity that surrounds him, and in doing so he manages to save the film. We actually care whether or not he succeeds in killing the beach creature, and in the context of this film, that's no small feat.

 

Two other memorable performances are worth mentioning: that of Burt Young (Pauly from the Rocky movies), who plays an out-of-towner cop, and the jackass scientist played by Stefan Gierasch. Young does a decent job as pithy cop Sgt. Royko. The little comedy relief to be had (intentionally, anyway) is during Royko's scenes. Young's seems ultra comfortable on camera, and his offhanded, blue collar comments are pretty funny . Gierasch, on the other hand, is so overwrought as the  scientist that he brings an accidental humor to the film. He also has a strangely shaped mouth, and I'm not above saying that it adds to the humor as well.

 

Blood Beach doesn't offer much to gore hounds. There's a severed head or two, but the special effects are based more in the sand-sucking scenes. The images of beach goers spontaneously sinking into human-sized sand lion pits are frightening indeed, and they are another of the salvageable aspects of the movie. In this sense, the movie lives up to its poster.

 

The creature, a sort of sand worm reminiscent of the graboids from Tremors, was apparently not impressive enough to pull off a decent final battle scene. Instead we're tossed a crappy, anti-climactic explosion moments after the creature exposes itself. No struggle at all, just a huge, unnecessary explosion (is there really such a thing?) that takes us from tension to ending with virtually no resolution. As a result, the prerequisite "it's still alive" final scene seems a tacked-on afterthought.

 

 

 

If you're a big fan of 80's horror, then I suggest checking out Blood Beach if you get the chance, but don't expect much. It's watchable at best. As Jaws ripoffs go, it's somewhere above Grizzly, but still well below Piranha.

 

 

Rating: 2/5 Severed Penises

 

Bad in a Bad way

 

 

More pictures: